You Minus What You're Known For

Ever since I first heard the phrase “the true self,” something in me has refused to let it go.

I’ve sat with the writings of Richard Rohr, Meister Eckhart, Therese of Lisiuex, John of the Cross—and even the words of Jesus himself—trying to understand what it means to live from that place.

Then this week, I heard something from Bob Goff that brought it all into a sharper, simpler focus:

“Take what it is that you’re known for… and take that away.

That is who you truly are.”

I haven’t been able to shake it.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been sitting with an elderly man in his final days. As you might expect, there has been a lot of reflection—on what he was known for.

The budgets he managed.

The awards he earned.

The performances.

The accomplishments.

All good things. Meaningful things.

But still… not the truest thing.

At one point, I looked into his eyes and said quietly,

“You realize the truest thing about you is immortal… right?”

He paused.

And for a moment, it felt like he was hearing it for the first time.

I hope it landed.

Henri Nouwen once said that much of our suffering gets tangled up in three ideas:

I am what I have.

I am what I do.

I am what others think or say about me.

This weekend, I want to invite you into a different equation.

Go back—before the name.

Before the face.

Before the résumé.

Before the story you’ve been told about yourself.

And then… begin subtracting.

Subtract what you’re known for.

Your strengths and your weaknesses.

Your successes and your failures.

Your highs and your lows.

What remains?

That is you.

Not the version of you that performs.

Not the version of you that proves.

Not the version of you that protects.

But the truest you—

is a piece of tapestry cut from the Fabric of Love.

By love.

And for love.

It’s a difficult thing to do this for ourselves.

But here’s where it gets even more radical:

What if we offered the same equation to others?

Not just the people we love easily…

but the ones we struggle with.

What if you took someone you’ve labeled an enemy—

and subtracted everything you know them for?

Their actions.

Their words.

Their labels.

What would remain?

Would they still be your enemy?

Or would you begin to see something deeper…

something more true…

something closer to love?

It’s a mystery worth stepping into.

— Ashton